Marking Emmetts Science Test
by foREVerAvengedSevenfold
Summary: This is the part of the year that I fear...Marking Emmett McCarthy Cullen's end of year test... readers get an insight of Emmett's true inner-idiot...
1. Chapter 1

**okay, at the moment this may just remain one chapter because i dont really like it, and it didnt really go the way i wanted it to. But if i get a couple of good reviews i will do another one or two chapters. sooo, if you read this will you please take you time to review? if you liked it, if you didnt, and why you did/didn't? please? **

**disclaimer: unfortuantly emmett doesn't belong to me :'( neither do any of the other characters in this chapter :(**

This is the part of the year that I fear most of all. It was time to mark Emmett McCarthy Cullen's end of year test.

I've always wanted to be a teacher, and most of the year I really enjoy my job, _but_ this is part of the job I hate. Emmett's test is always the worst out of the whole school, and when I told his parents about his grades, they didn't seem to mind. The rest of his family are all strait A students, so what wrong with Emmett?

I sighed to myself, and then picked up Emmett's science test, which was unmistakable with 3MM3T KICK$ A$$ graffitied over the front page. The test started off with basically easy questions, and got harder as the test went on. I turned over the front page of the test, and read the first question.

The question read: How can you delay milk turning sour? The easiest question out of the whole test, and Emmett couldn't even get that right, underneath Emmett had wrote (in surprisingly neat handwriting) 'keep it in the cow'. I put a big red cross next to the answer, then I closed my eyes and shook my head…this was going to be a long marking session…

Right, next question, 'Can men still reproduce with only one testicle?' god, I dread to think what smart ass answer the boy's came up for this question, 'no, because women don't find it at all attractive!' I let a small smile slip at this, but, as I did for the last question, put a red cross beside the answer.

The next question 'the earth's oceans store a lot of heat, a scientist designed an ocean liner that would extract the heat, and reject it into the earth's atmosphere. He thought he had a good idea, but his boss fired him, why?' and Emmett's answer, 'Because he was sleeping with his boss' wife' I let out a small laugh, _nice try Emmett!_ I commented next to his answer…

/earlier in the day/

"How did your test go Em?" Rose asked me as we walked across the parking lot. He was walking faster than normal, as the sun looked like it might make an appearance, I answered her as we got in the car seats.

"I think it went good, I mean, I'll get zero marks, but hey! At least he'll have a laugh marking it!" Rose laughed again, my family—and most of the teachers—are now used to my test results, Carlisle and Esme even laughed at someof my answers last year. Truth is, I have completed school for what seems a hundred times now, might as well have a little fun, ehh?


	2. Chapter 2

**sorry this took so long to update, i've got a lot of GCSE's coming up at school and have either been busy with revision or h/w, and when i do have time, i completly forget about my fanfictions :/ sorry lol**

**discalimer: none of the characters in this story are mine :( **

I decided to have another go at marking emmetts test, I had left of for a while to mark other students test, because…quite frankly, I couldn't be asked with Emmett any more.

Question five was 'what is a fibula' and Emmett's answer? 'a small lie' and once again, Emmett had a nice big red cross next to the question. Question 6, what does varicose mean? 'Nearby'. _What the hell?_ Was my first thought, but when I re-read the question varicose = very close. God, how stupid is this boy? I will have to tell the head master about this, Emmett can't keep getting marks this low. Sometimes I think he isn't even trying…I decided I could leave marking Emmett's test till tomorrow night, or I could mark it in tomorrow's lesson if I had time. The students didn't need their mark for another three days, which is fine. After a good night sleep I may be able to put up with Emmett's ridiculous answers…

**/the next day\\**

I got to the school and checked my schedule for today 'first period = year 11 science'. Oh, fanbloodytastic, Emmett's in my first lesson. All the students entered the class, Emmett and his brother jasper sat on the front bench, as they always do. According to the other teachers I'm lucky, all the teachers who have Rosalie _and _Emmett in their class complain constantly that the two never do their work, and spend the entire lesson flirting…well I suppose Emmett is relatively good in my lesson then. The class started writing down today's lesson objectives which were on the board. Today's lesson was all about illnesses. When I saw that they were all ready to start the class, I asked my first question. 'Do any of you know what a terminal illness it?'

Emmett almost jumped out of his chair, raised his hand, and was jumping up and down in his seat 'sir, sir! Choose me! I know!' god knows why I did it, but being the idiot I am, I pointed at Emmett for his answer 'a terminal illness is when a person or people are sick when at the airport.' He nodded and smiled when he finished his answer. Some of the people in the class laughed.

"Don't encourage him!'" I warned them, "Now, does anyone know what the _right _answer is?" jasper silently raised his had. Great! Jasper actually was really smart! He got almost 100% in his test. I nodded towards him, signalling him to answer.

"A terminal illness is when a person had an illness which I incurable and it will normally lead the person's death." I smiled.

"Well done jasper, and well done on your science test, you got the highest grade in the class! I wish _some_ people in the class tried as hard as you." All the time I was looking at Emmett as I said the last part of this. "Right! And now, the opposite of a terminal illness, what is a benign?" this time, instead of putting his hand up, Emmett just shouted out "It's what you will be after your 8! Be-nine! Get it!" god, this is gonna be a long lesson…

**please review? even if its bad, but please dont leave unsigned one if they are bad as i can not reply :/ i love getting your feedback! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**please review, and thankks to lil' Missy620 for giving me the idea for emmett to get the hardest question...right!**

**disclaimer: characters not mine :(**

Finally class was over, and the students went to brake, luckily I had brake too. So I jogged down to the canteen, bought a coffee and a bar of chocolate, and made my way back up to the staff room.

Miss Varner (one of the math teachers) came up too mee, which was weird, because she didn't really speak to me that much. "you think Emmett is bad in your class, have a look at his homework he gave in during my lesson!" she shoved a piece of paper into my hands and I started reading it:

_Proof that girls are evil, by Emmett Cullen_

_First we state that girls require time and money._

_Girls = time X money_

_And as we all know 'times is money'_

_Time = money_

_Therefore:_

_Girls = Money X money = (Money)2_

_And because 'money is the root of all evil_

_Money = √evil_

_Therefore:_

_Girls = (√evil)2_

_And so we are forces to conclude that:_

_Girls = Evil_

I'm sorry but I couldn't help but laugh at this "I'm glad you find this so funny" miss Varner snapped at me, but the homework was meant to be on trigonometry!" I bit the inside of my cheek and tried not to laugh again.

/that night\\

Right! I sat down to mark Emmett's science test once again, and as that was the only one test to mark I was determined to get it finished. Question number six, what does the term 'germinate' mean? 'to become a naturalized German' I smirked at his answer, but once again put a cross next to it. Question number seven: explain why the concentration of sulphate ions increases in the electrolyte? And Emmett answered, unsurprisingly, the wrong answer. Which was: aliens, damn aliens are responsible for everything weird that's going on around here…great! I wondered when the subject of aliens would come up… I crossed the question then wrote '_no Emmett, as you should know already, aliens do not exist, and no girls do not could as aliens_' I wrote this, as many times in science lesson, Emmett tried to make the point that all girls are aliens from Venus…

Question eight. Tracey say that in you drop a glass ball and a metal ball in a bowl of oil at the same tame, they will hit the bottom of the ball at the same time, explain why she is wrong, and emmetts explanation is: She's a woman. Great Emmett! Just great, so far in the test you've wrote about aliens and sexism…

Question nine, great I couldn't even read this question on account of Emmett scribbling a picture of a dinosaurs eating the question over the top of it, and the writing under it, 'Oh no, the question has been attacked by Godzilla!' I drew a picture in red ink, of a knife pointing at where the dinosaurs heart would be and wrote, '_he's dead, no need to worry!'_

And at last, the last question, A sphere made of steel is put in water and surprisingly it floats. Develop a possible explanation for this observation? The steel sphere would have to be seamless because it must be hollow to float. It must contain enough air to make it lighter than the water it displaces. Oh…my…god! Emmett got the question right! The first question ever out of all of his tests I've ever marked!

But under that, Emmett had wrote bonus, then drew two stick men, one pointing a gun at another, and drew a speech bubble saying 'give me the bonus point, or the stick figure gets it!' so I wrote, sorry, I don't negotiate with terrorists!

**please review!:) **


	4. Chapter 4

**:) the longest (and probably the last, there might be one more chapter but i'm not sure yet) chapter of this story. thankyou to Lil' Missy620 for the ideas 'girls are aliens' and 'you killed my dinosaur' XD and thankyou to her for her lovely reviews :D**

**disclaimer: i own none of the characters in this story :'(**

I decided that today I will use the science lesson to review their tests, last term I had to put up with Emmett debating all the answers with me, hopefully we will not have a repeat of that! I got into the class early and started to put all of the tests where the pupils sit, as the classes had been split I only had roughly thirty students, so it didn't take me long. Not surprisingly Emmett had actually got the lowest score out off the whole class on his test, maybe I could have a chat with Jasper and persuade him to help Emmett revise at home? The school bell rang and all of the students made their way into the class room. They all made their way to their desks and started quietly discuss their test results, I let them get on with that whilst I took the register. I quickly put a tick or cross next to the pupils name, and set the register down on my desk.

I tapped the white board pen on the board to get the classes attention, and most of them fell silent. "I've decided that this lesson we will review the tests you took last week. Emmett, got the lowest score—" at this Emmett proudly stood up, and bowed a couple of times to the rest of the class, earning a few claps before he sat down "as I was _saying_," I started again, ignoring Emmett "Emmett got the lowest score, and Jasper got the highest score! Followed closely behind by Bernard! Well done!" at this Bernard stood up, pulled the bottom of his t-shirt up over his head—like they do in football games—and run out of the class room screaming in victory. Some of the students laughed, and others were silent in surprise…I had never seen Bernard act like that before, he was normally a quiet one, I shook my head and continued with the lesson.

"Can you please turn to the first question in your test" I heard all of the student's papers rustling, and them I saw Emmett's hand shoot up. "What's a matter Emmett" I said as politely as I could, with my teeth clenched.

"I think you've marked my test wrong sir, you've only given me one mark out of ten!"

"That's because you only got one out of the questions right out of ten, Emmett." I explained to him, he looked genuinely shocked that he got such a low score, "look Emmett, can you please stop making a fuss, we will go over all of the questions, and you can see what you got right and what you got wrong." He let out a sigh, but remained silent in his seat. "well, I think _all_ of you apart from Emmett got that right, so we might as well move onto the next question, question 2: Can men still reproduce with only one testicle?" a couple of people laughed at this, including Emmett, but I ignored it. "and once again, every one got it right apart from Emmett, so me may as well ignore that too…" then Emmett started again…

"No they can't! Just ask one of my sisters! They would never _ever_ sleep with any man who only had one—"

"Enough! Emmett, please just shut up…question three: the earth's oceans store a lot of heat, a scientist designed an ocean liner that would extract the heat, and reject it into the earth's atmosphere. He thought he had a good idea, but his boss fired him, why?" Elizabeth put her hand up for this one and gave the exact right answer, she's a real quiet one in class, but she's a real brainbox—

"Well obviously she's wrong!" Emmett interrupted my line of thought "he was _obviously_ sleeping with her bosses with!"

"_Actually_, my answer's right! That's why _I _got a tick for my answer, and _you_ got a cross. Sorry for interrupting sir" ha! In your face Emmett, you got showed by a girl! I almost laughed.

"No, that's fine Elizabeth. Thank you for proving Emmett wrong." She smiled to herself. "Next question! What is a fibula?"

"A small lie!" and once again, Emmett shouted out, I rolled my eyes. Jasper raised his hand, I pointed to him, letting him answer.

"It is the outer and thinner of the two bones of the human leg between the knee and ankle."

"Great! Textbook answer Jasper." I smiled, at least, one of the Cullen's (well…_hale_) paid attention in my class.

I saw Emmett give Jasper evils, and then slap him round the back of the head, and mutter "geek" at him.

I ignored their brotherly exchange, and asked the next question "what does varicose mean? Actually that is such an easy question I think we'll skip that. The only one who got it wrong was Emmett" I heard a few giggles from the girls at the back "who thought it meant nearby…" the giggles turned into laughter, and Emmett looked quite proud with himself for earning laughter.

"So it doesn't mean nearby? He asked

"Course it doesn't captain bloody obvious!"

"Your welcome sargent sarcasm." He shot back at me, I've got to admit, he's good!

"Well, I think every one knows that the term 'germinate' doesn't mean to become a naturalized German, so…" I sent a glare Emmett's way. "So… explain why the concentration of sulphate ions increases in the electrolyte?"

William put his hand up, and answered correctly, a saw Emmett roll his eyes. "Aliens, it's obvious it's them bloody aliens!" I rolled by eyes again

"I thought we sorted this out last term! Aliens. Do. Not. Exist!"

"Yes they do!" he argued back. He pulled a picture out of his pocket, the picture was of Alice and Jasper hugging. Look! Look at the picture! Girls are aliens! They may look all lovie dovie, but secretly, she hypnotised to be like that, and then she will use her powers to make him perform evil!" I sniggered at his answer.

"Emmett, girls are not aliens. Some of them are evil, but they are _not_ evil!"

"Ha, they even have you fooled!" he sighed and shook his head, like he was really ashamed of me.

"Tracey said that if you drop a glass ball and a metal ball in a bowl of oil at the same tame, they will hit the bottom of the tank at the same time, explain why she is wrong. Yes, Rachel?"

"She's wrong because the glass ball and the metal ball have different velocity, so they will fall at different rates."

"Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!" Emmett repeated over and over "all women are wrong!" I heard a few marks of disapproval from some of the girls in the class, and some cheers of agreement from the boys.

"If we can just ignore Emmett's sexist remarks, we can move onto question nine, which is—"

"You killed my poor dinosaur! You murderer! He was my friend, you evil, evil man!" Emmett yelled at me and then broke down into tears. I couldn't help but laugh at this, which caused Emmett to give me evils.

"I'm not evil Emmett" I stated. Emmett then he held up a picture of a stick man, with a bullet through his head.

"Look!" he growled at me "all you had to do was give me a bonus point, and he would have lived!" he was almost sobbing "you murderer!" he screamed and then run out of the classroom in tears

**please review :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Another chapter! If you want more, say in a review! I do have an idea for the next chapter, but I'm not sure whether to write it up or leave the story as this? Thank to everybody for the reviews! This is one of my favorite fanfics to write! :)**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters from Twilight are mine :(**

At the end of class I went to find Emmett, he was sitting with Rosalie in the canteen, I called him and when he looked at me I called him over, I saw him say goodbye to Rosalie and he come jogging over to where I stood "was'up sir?" he greeted me.

"Can I talk to you, in private?" I wanted to talk about his test scores, they were getting worse and worse, I mean 1/10! Anyone else would be called back for revision every night, but somehow Emmett had managed to get out of that one, I had no idea how.

"yep, sure you can sir. I'm just irresistible aren't I sir, you don't see me for long enough in lessons so you want me in after class as well!" then he winked at me. I lead the way into the science room, and we both sat down.

"I want to talk about your test scores." I told him, for some reason he just crossed his arms and glared at me.

"I am not prepared to talk to you until you apologize for killing my bobby!"

"Bobby?" I asked

"Yes." He growled at me, "my poor dinosaur!" oh, now I know who he's talking about. Who calls a dinosaur bobby!

"Fine, Emmett! I apologise for killing your stupid dinosaur!" maybe if I apologized I might actually get a reasonable conversation out of him…

"Fine. Now I want you to ring the police and admit it's your fault that sticky the stick man met a very sticky end!" god this was just getting ridiculous!

"Emmett, he isn't real! So it doesn't matter! Please, can we just talk about your test?" If it wasn't against the law, I would actually start considering killing this boy! He annoys the hell out of me and all of the other teachers! I think the only one who gives a hell is he dies is Rosalie and his parents, even his brothers and sister look like he could kill him sometimes!

"Fine, I agree. I will talk to you about my grades! What do you want to know?" finally, at least he was talking to me without being an idiot about it! I wasn't sure if that was even possible for Emmett, but apparently it is.

"Emmett you used to get strait A's. Why have they dropped so suddenly? All your other teachers agree, your grades have dropped badly this year…" I had spoken to his English, math, IT, and his art teacher, and they all said that his grades are dropping. The only lesson his grades have improved in it PE, but judging by the look of him, he loves all sports.

"Why have your grades dropped Emmett?" I said again.

"Because schools BOOORRRRIIINGGG!" I give him a glare "my grades have dropped because I cant be bother with the work, out family are having a really rough time right now! My mum and dad are gonna get a divorce and rose said she's gonna leave me if I don't start acting more mature! And Edward keeps bullying me!" then he put his head down on the table and broke down into tears. I moved closer to him and started rubbed his back, I didn't know what to do. I had no idea that his family was having problems, the Cullen's normally kept to themselves. Now I can understand why Emmett's grades were dropping

Rosalie P.O.V

Emmett came out of the class room, with the science teachers arm wrapped round his shoulder, he come over to me and was fake crying. The science teacher apologized for the state our family was in at the moment, and passed Emmett over to me. The teacher went back into the classroom, and Emmett started laughing. He winked at me, and said "for some reason that teacher come to the conclusion that our parents were splitting up, you was gonna leave me, and Edward was a big bully!" I couldn't help but laugh.

"Well if you don't stop acting like an idiot, I might well leave you…" I said and then walked off, leaving Emmett dumbfounded. Little did he know that it was his idiocy that I loved most about him…

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